


anything it takes to make you stay

by amory



Series: blue verse [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Depression, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Misunderstandings, Suicidal Thoughts, Writer Louis, on Harry's part at least poor thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 20:35:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9842723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amory/pseuds/amory
Summary: Louis goes for a walk, Harry overreactsTakes place before the epilogue of color me blue





	

**Author's Note:**

> Suprise!! So....this happened.
> 
> As I said, this takes place sometime before the epilogue of color me blue. It's still my favorite thing I've ever written, the work I'm most proud of at least, and sometimes I like to just come back to these characters and this universe for a little bit.
> 
> Enjoy :)

Louis really is old enough by now to be able to handle criticism.

At least this is what he tells himself as he walks the cold streets of London at three in the morning. He has a cigarette in his mouth and the rain has dissipated to nothing more than a mist. He doesn’t know where he’s going, exactly, just that he has to go.

What it boils down to essentially is that his editor read the first draft if his new novel and sent it back to him this afternoon, marked and red-penned beyond belief. It’s not as if Louis shouldn’t have expected this, the story is still in its shitty early forms, no doubt it’ll be completely different by the time he’s finished. He hasn’t even brought it up to his agent yet, just asked his editor to look it over in her free time as a favor to him.

So, logically, Louis has overreacted a bit. After receiving the email he had sulked for the remainder of the night, despite all of Harry’s efforts to cheer him up. He had a cuddle with Molly, pretended to fall asleep, and then fled the house once the thoughts that have been running through his mind became too much.

Taking walks to clear his head is something that his therapist has suggested to him before. Of course, Louis doubts she meant for him to do so at three in the morning whilst feeling vaguely suicidal-and yet here he is. And it has worked, surprisingly.

Things do seem a bit clearer now, maybe it’s the shock of the cold air, maybe it’s just the fact that he’s been walking for so long with nothing but his thoughts. Whatever it is, he is now a bit more levelheaded than he was when he ran away, and incredibly far from home.

Louis takes one last drag of his cigarette and tosses it, the mist of the disappearing rain dampening it out. As far as Harry is concerned, along with everyone else in Louis’ life, he quit smoking ages ago. He had of course, but tonight called for just one out of his emergency stash.

It didn’t taste nearly as comforting as Louis remembers.

Harry is what’s comforting, Louis thinks wistfully. Harry, their big white duvet, Molly, those scented candles Harry insists on burning, the fairy lights he hung over the bed because _they make the room cozier, Lou, don_ _’t tease me_ -that’s what comforts Louis now. That’s what he wants when he feels like this.

It takes him a long time to walk back home. He’s gone a lot further than he thought he had, and it’s much colder now than it was when he left. Louis wishes he had thought ahead enough to grab a real coat, not just one of Harry’s comfier hoodies.

Almost an hour later, Louis believes, he arrives back at his flat. He quietly enters the building and begins to trek up the stairs slowly. His joints ache, he’s exhausted, and he needs a shower. That’s all he can think about, taking a long shower and heading back to bed where Harry is surely still sleeping.

That plan is completely ruined when he opens the door to find all of the lights on. Louis frowns and toes his shoes off just in time to see Harry wander in from the kitchen, crying.

“I don’t know,” he’s sobbing into his phone. “He didn’t leave a note or anything, his phone is still here and his wallet and jacket, but he’s gone Li. He’s fucking gone, and-”

Harry stops. He spots Louis who now finds himself standing awkwardly at the door like a kid who’s been caught sneaking in past curfew. Harry chokes out a half-arsed explanation to Liam and tosses his phone onto the couch before running across their flat and practically tackling Louis to the ground.

“Oh my god,” Harry sobs against Louis’s neck. “Louis, Lou.”

Harry holds onto Louis so tight it almost hurts. He’s sobbing, his chest heaving and heart pounding where he’s pressed to Louis. He’s clutching to Louis’ back, digging his hands in, not letting Louis go.

“Baby,” Louis whispers, bringing his hand up to gently run his fingers through Harry’s curls. “Darling, what’s wrong? Has something happened?”

That just makes Harry cry harder. “I woke up alone,” he sobs. “And you were gone, Louis, fucking gone. No note, you left your phone-you were _gone_ and I-”

Harry breaks off into heaving sobs again while Louis carefully moves them to the couch. He sits down, easily pulling Harry into his lap and against his chest. The boy is still crying, moving his lips so they’re pressed to Louis’ neck as though he’s counting Louis’ pulse. He squeezes Louis’ forearms, brushing his thumbs over the skin.

“You can’t fucking do that,” Harry sniffles out, finally. “Just…fucking _leave_ in the middle of the night. What were you thinking?”

Louis frowns. “Love, I went for a walk.”

“No,” Harry says, quite seriously. “You don’t go for walks at three in the morning, Louis, you go to…to-you just _don_ _’t_ okay?”

Louis sighs and gently brushes his hands through Harry’s hair, gently scratching his scalp as he goes. “I’m sorry I didn’t leave a note, love,” he whispers. “I just needed some time to think, that’s all. Needed to clear my head.”

Harry goes quiet, squeezing his eyes shut. He’s still holding on Louis tightly, as if Louis might leave again. Eventually his sobs start to calm down a bit and turn to quiet hiccups.

“I thought something terrible had happened,” he whispers.

Louis frowns. “What is something terrible, love?”

Harry shakes his head, squeezes his fingers around Louis’ arms, and sighs. “You scared me.”

It clicks then, exactly what Harry was so afraid of. Louis groans.

“Love, honestly,” he sighs. “I wouldn’t leave at three in the morning to go kill myself. It’s far too cold out for that, I’d at least do it in the house.”

All at once, Harry whips his head up and glares at Louis, looking a bit terrifying. “That isn’t fucking funny, Louis,” he spits.

“I’m only joking-”

“It isn’t funny,” Harry repeats, pushing at Louis’ chest. “What’s funny about losing you? What’s funny about you dying, Louis, please explain it to me because I certainly don’t understand.”

Louis sighs and pulls his hands away from Harry, allowing the boy to sit up and continue to glare at him but with eye contact now. He really is quite good at this whole guilt tripping thing.

“I’m sorry love, I have a bit of a morbid sense of humor. I suppose that’s what happens once you’ve unsuccessfully hung yourself, it just sets in.”

At the mention of it, Harry winces like he’s been struck. He leans forward again, tears wet against Louis’ skin. “Stop,” he begs. “Please, please stop. I know you and Liam think it’s hilarious to joke about that sort of thing, but I don’t.”

“Baby,” Louis whispers. “Darling, I’m sorry. It’s just how we cope with it.”

Harry wraps his arms around Louis’ waist and turns his head to the side, resting his ear over Louis’ heart. “I know, I’m sorry,” he whispers. “But you scared me so bad, Lou. I know how upset you were earlier and it’s been so long since I’ve seen you like that and it just-I’m sorry. I overreacted, like, a lot.”

“A bit,” Louis teases. “But I get what you’re saying, love. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking clearly enough to grab my phone or leave a note. I thought I’d be back before you ever noticed I was gone but I ended up walking a lot further than I realized.”

Harry nods and takes a few deep breaths. “Please, just next time wake me? Or at least leave a note, even if it’s late at night. I hope it wouldn’t be, though, it isn’t safe to wander around like that. What if something had happened to you?”

Louis smiles at the boy’s concern and reaches out to play with the little curls at the base of Harry’s neck. He loves those in particular, he thinks as he gently winds the strands around his fingers.

“You think I can’t protect myself out there in the big bad world, is that it Styles?”

“Shut up Lou,” Harry groans. “I worry about you, you know that. I love you so much, I want you to always be safe.”

They move together, Louis laying back against the arm of the couch and Harry curling up against his chest. Louis stares at the ceiling for a while, gently running his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair and thinking. He’ll have to move soon and call Liam, hopefully before the other man sends out a search party for him or something. For now, all he wants is to cuddle with Harry. Molly, as if somehow sensing she’s been left out, comes running into the room. She hops up onto Harry’s lap and lays her head against his stomach, closing her eyes.

“The gangs all here,” Louis teases.

Harry giggles softly and reaches out to scratch Molly’s head. “I love you,” he says. “I think you’re absolutely brilliant, and I think what you’ve written is amazing. Your editor is only trying to help you, Lou, she isn’t trying to be mean or hurt you in any way. She knows how brilliant you are, you’ve set a pretty high standard for yourself.”

Louis smiles and kisses the top of Harry’s head. “Thank you, darling,” he sighs. “I’m not upset anymore, really. My head’s a lot clearer now, I know what you mean. I’m going to start going over it tomorrow, for real this time, and start working on it.”

Harry nods and reaches out to grab Louis’ hand. He slots their fingers together and pulls their joined hands to his lips. “I’m so proud of you,” he whispers. It’s something he says so constantly that Louis could never doubt it even for a moment, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love to hear it.

“Yeah?” he prompts.

Harry nods. “You make me proud with everything you do,” he says. “I love you.”

Louis smiles. “I love you too, baby. C’mon, let’s go to bed, you have class in the morning.”

Nodding, Harry carefully stands up whilst cradling Molly in his arms. He smiles at Louis, that soft sleepy smile, and this is what Louis was talking about. Harry cuddling with Molly, his curls all mussed, eyes drooping with sleep, wearing only a jumper that falls down past his shoulder. This is where Louis belongs. Not out on the streets smoking half a pack a day, not in a bathroom across town-he belongs right here, with Harry.

“Come on,” Harry whispers, nodding his head towards the bedroom.

Louis follows.


End file.
